You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
