So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
