I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So many bounce houses so little time
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
