just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
