tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
