where am i from again
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
