she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
