What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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