guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
