batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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