my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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