jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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