great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
