My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
