I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
