fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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