If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
