Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
