come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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