my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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