There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
