if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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