Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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