So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
