I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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