Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
