My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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