So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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