So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
