you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
