I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Found the puke drawer
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
