Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize