I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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