Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
