I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
