It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
