i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
