she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
