you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
