She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
