I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
