Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
