Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
