Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
