sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
