My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
