sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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