Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
