there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
