They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
