Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wish my penis had a tongue
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
