She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
