Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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