my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
