Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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