Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
