She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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