We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
