Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
