why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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