i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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