Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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