if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
