so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
