On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
