I'm jealous of your bromance
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
