oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
