I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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