I bet he comes in French.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
